The First Step of Personal Growth
Sometimes when I want to be really stubborn about trying something new or changing my perspective, I'll remind my girlfriend:
I like what I like, I don't like what I don't like.
As if it's a virtue to dig my heels in and avoid change.
Because we don't like change.
We dislike change so much we spend our lives constructing reflexes and personality quirks to rationalize why it should be perfectly acceptable for us to hold our fixed view of the world.
Immature as it is, I've created several default settings and mindsets to shield me from the discomfort of becoming better:
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I think people are always sizing me up and comparing me to others in my field
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I've convinced myself I'll be happier and more productive if left alone all day
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When something I say is questioned, I receive the question as a challenge instead of curiosity
What about you? Any pesky default settings you've got that aren't really serving you, but you keep them around anyway because they're familiar?
We can overcomplicate personal growth and the process of maturation, but growing up (which takes a lifetime) is really quite simple.
All we need to do is bring consciousness to the moments we resist growing up.
To illustrate this, here's a progression I've observed:
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Most of us navigate our days unconsciously responding to fear or anxiety
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Our lives, then, become a response to some sort of worry we possess
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So we create mindsets, habits and stories to help us avoid what we fear
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But when we realize responding to fear is unhelpful, we can choose to think differently
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Then, we learn to pick different mindsets based on who we want to be, not what we fear
For example:
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I'm afraid others think I'm unqualified to talk about personal development
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As a result, I live with a consistent low-level hum of anxiety about being an impostor
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So, I believe when someone asks me a question, they're really saying: "You're not credible"
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But I've realized my default mindset of fear is completely unhelpful (and not true)
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Now, I'm able to notice when that old mindset shows up and instead of assuming I'm being criticized, believe people are simply curious - which is a good thing!
Bottom line - most of us want to improve in one way or another.
Only we don't want to pay the price of improving our lives - which is change.
But if you don't change, neither will your life.
We must adopt new mindsets for us to continue growing up. This is the first step of personal growth.
We could all use more practice at this - which is why I'm excited to host:
Mindset Shifts to Drive Your Growth
Wednesday, Oct. 28 | 5:00pm-6:00pm CST
Join us for a live, interactive, virtual session; you'll walk away with a deeper understanding of your own mindsets, their impact on your life, and a few new mindsets to practice.
If you're looking for space to reflect and some support in bringing more awareness to your life, you need to be there!