The Small Actions That Enable Long-Term Growth

This is a love letter to anyone who has ever wanted all the results without any of the effort.

To be clear, when I say all the results without any of the effort I'm talking about: 

• Trimming up the waistline + chiseling the gobble-neck under your chin while still microwaving cheese rollups and dipping them in homemade sriracha ranch.

• Delivering a standing ovation level speech with minimal prep because the ideas are solid, you did theater in high school, and strung together a year of improv classes as an adult. Should be a cake-walk, right? 

• Having deep and connected relationships while still giving yourself permission to be a stubborn dingleberry who gets offended by everything and refuses to practice empathy as an action.

• Amassing clients who are raving fans of your product or services by putting all the onus on them to find you, fall in love with you, and refer you to everyone they know. Because you don't have time to nurture all of those relationships…

• Growing internally and becoming more of the person you believe you can be while continuing to choose binge watching over book reading, email over introspection, correspondence over creation, your phone over focus, and distractions over desire.

I was once the bass player of a classic rock cover band that had a hell of a run between 2009-2011 in southern South Dakota.

We were called Also Like The Wind - maybe you've heard of us.

I moved to South Dakota to find something. I was looking for purpose and wanted to belong to a movement bigger than myself, so I joined Teach for America.

I was coming off a strange year without much community and was desperate to be accepted by my new peers.

When I arrived in South Dakota my first stop was the Rosebud Casino where I met the folks I'd be teaching with. We'd only been there a few hours when a spirited guy named Daniel (who I would later discover was Also Like The Wind's manager and sax player) approached me with an offer.

After painting a vivid picture of how amazing it was to be in a rock band in a small town, Daniel asked me to step in as the bassist of ALTW because their current bass player was moving.

I had never played the bass before. Sure, I owned a couple guitars in high school and knew enough Hootie to be dangerous, but never came close to slapping the low notes on a proper four string funk machine.

So I joined up. How hard could it be?

I had visions of myself on stage, dropping those elephant decibels and gaining acceptance in my new community with minimal effort. I never once considered the work required to keep up with the band. I just knew I desired to belong. 

I was more concerned with acquiring acceptance by association than learning a skill, putting in quiet hours, and actually doing a good job at something.

The members of our band were spread out geographically, and it took some effort to get together for rehearsal - which meant we only had one or two band practices before each show. The time together was valuable and precious, making it very important to practice alone between rehearsals to stay sharp.

Something I never did.

I couldn’t find a deep sense of purpose practicing alone in my room. It was boring. 

Then I'd show up to rehearsal and turn on the charm so no one would begrudge me for holding us back by failing to practice. I got away with winging it and we got through our shows well enough, but were never as good as we could have been. Sometimes I would turn the bass all the way down because I had no idea how to play several of our songs.

I didn't want to put in the practice, so instead I directed my energy toward figuring out how to get away with winging it. 

Story of my life.

There are all kinds of reasons we wing it in our lives and choose to not take practice seriously: 

• We're afraid of being new at something so we act like we don't care and hide behind our disinterest.  

• We believe we're an exception to the rules and our personality should make up for our lack of contribution. 

• We prefer the fleeting thrill of short term distraction to the deep fulfillment of long term growth.

• We are consciously or unconsciously afraid we don't have what it takes and are terrified if we give it our all, we might not measure up.

• We mistakenly think the point of engaging in growth is about being the best instead of understanding the goal is to fall in love with the process of growth, not the end result.

• We believe the lie that hard work and discipline are supposed to be enjoyable, and think they both come easily to everyone else on the planet except us. 

• We are disappointed in ourselves when we can't do something perfectly, so we decide it's better to not participate at all.

• Our memories play tricks on us and we forget how enjoyable it is to engage in something meaningful and challenging.

• We forget starting is the hardest part. We don't remember what happens five minutes into the practice when the engine is running and we slip into a state of flow.  

These are tough internal barriers to navigate. 

Particularly when we find ourselves in a world obsessed with public achievement and success. The end point. The highlight reel. 

Not the quiet practices of growth.

There's a line in Batman Begins where Rachel Dawes says to a self-obsessed Bruce Wayne who is fleeing responsibility: 

Deep down you may still be that same great kid you used to be. But it's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you.

I remember being so frustrated by that quote.

Everything would be better if the world could just value me for the innocent, sweet, playful kid I know I am on the inside. I'd really appreciate it if the world stopped doubting me by making me suit up, show up, and take action in my life. 

It would be nice to get something for nothing, you know?

Alas, for those of us who struggle with the small steps and quiet commitments, here is where we must grow. 

The good news is this: Who you are deep down still does matter. Your wild fantasies, crazy dreams, unique perspectives, curated interests and special gifts mean something. If you are to make a deep and meaningful contribution to this world it's imperative you call upon them. 

Yet, conversing with our inner desires is not enough; we must mine our mission from deep inside our bones and put it to work in the world. 

Who I am on the inside matters and for me to realize my inner calling and live a rich life full of experiences I desire, I must learn how to marshal and direct my energy into the minuscule moments of action no one will ever see.

The miracle of growth is unlocked by minutes of practice.

I still struggle with this every day because I don't want to believe my worth is wrapped up in what I do or how well I do it. If you're anything like me, you've got enough wounds from comparison and competition to last a lifetime.

So the mindset shift has been this: 

Instead of fantasizing about who I want to be and taking up residence in dreamland - or being intimidated by all the work required to get there - I'm focusing on mustering the courage and playfulness to commit to tiny installments of dedicated practice, and celebrating the practice as an end in and of itself.

Slowly it feels less like discipline and more like dancing.  

The truth remains - practice is what stands between where we currently are and where we want to be. Whether you want to adopt a new mindset on a daily basis, figure out a better approach to dating, improve your coding skills or be able to keep up with the band, I send you encouragement as you deposit your distant desires into small and necessary daily practices you learn to adopt with joy.