Where are You Proving or Hiding?

When was the last time you felt embarrassed in front of a group of people?

Yesterday morning I was catching a flight and the airport was packed. Even the TSA PreCheck line was long. People were getting cranky. You can smell cranky in the air, and it was cranky smelling.

When passengers finally reached the x-ray machine they were moving fast. When you're in the TSA PreCheck line the number one unspoken rule is: don't slow down the line. This is a creed I have chosen to live by.

When it was my turn, I quickly pushed my bag down the x-ray conveyor belt and walked through the metal detector with my jacket on. There were several others ready to walk right behind me. But right as they were about to follow me through the TSA agent said, "Woah dude - jacket. You can't wear your jacket through the metal detector..."

At this point, the line jammed up behind me like five car pileup and I was instructed to walk back through the detector. Instead of letting others pass, the TSA agent had everyone wait for me to remove my jacket and have it screened.

There were audible sighs from my fellow travelers as I trudged back through the metal detector. I'm pretty sure I heard someone say, "I remember my first time."

As I walked past the TSA agent I said something about how they need to be more consistent with the rules because sometimes wearing a jacket is allowed.

I made sure I said it loud enough so the people in line behind me, just now beginning to filter through, could hear.

I needed to prove to perfect strangers that I'm not stupid. I wanted to make sure they knew I am competent and know how to do things correctly. I was embarrassed - and because of that I felt scared. And because of that I lashed out at a person who was probably doing their job the way they were taught.

This is how most of us navigate the world. We try our best to make sure others like us and think we’re do a good job so we don't find ourselves in situations where we feel worthless.

Because I wasn't able to pause in that moment and realize my anxious feelings were rooted in a false belief that I'm only valuable if I do everything perfectly all the time and avoid criticism from others, I chose to puff up my chest to prove I have value.

Sometimes we try to prove we have value when we're insecure in our identity - like I was.

And sometimes we hide out of fear when we feel our worth is threatened. We shrink back and do our best to become invisible.

We prove and we hide because we're unable to see with clarity that we don't need to be affirmed by anyone to feel a sense of worth.

The good news is we can feel a sense of worth all the time if only we do the work to recognize our fears so we can learn to be our own sage, as my friend Chris McAlister likes to say.

I'm so excited to have Chris come to Austin next Tuesday, February 11th for SHIFT - a day-long workshop to help you discover clarity on where you're proving and hiding so you can get behind your fears and live a life rooted in a secure identity.

If you've enjoyed the content on this blog, I can promise you SHIFT is worth your time. Chris' perspective on proving, hiding and living from a secure identity has been game changing for me, and it would mean the world to have you join us.

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I hope to see you there - Reagan