Finding Joy in the Inefficiency of Human Interactions

The first person I speak with every day is a spiky haired woman named Rhonda.

Rhonda works at the coffee shop I frequent and is everything you'd ever want from an aging Texas woman. Her accent, her pleasant interest in each customer and the phrases she employs make her worthy of a cameo in a movie about Texas that reinforces stereotypes about Texas.

Rhonda was a nurse during the Vietnam War and has since retired from the bedside, but likes to take the 5:00am shift at the coffee shop five days a week for "funsies," she says.

She also likes to chat and ask questions. She knows all about my girlfriend and I've heard some great stories from her life. No matter what's going on in my week I can depend on Rhonda to be there in the mornings to tell me I'm a "nice young man" and open the door to conversation.

But if I'm not careful, I'll allow my morning priorities to devalue the moment Rhonda and I have opportunity to share each morning. Because I’ve got it all planned out. On a good week, by Sunday evening I've decided on my top three priorities for the coming week and split that list up into the top three action items for each day. If I hit the doors of the coffee shop by 5:45am, I know what I should have accomplished by 6:30am.

But sometimes conversation with Rhonda happens.

And sometimes conversations are inefficient.

On the days I'm not so proud of, I grunt a few words to her and pretend like I've got to go to the restroom.

On better days I slow down and get curious about where Rhonda might lead me.

The mornings when I decide to be with Rhonda in conversation always end up cascading into a more joyful and meaningful day.

After experiencing the power of my short interactions with Rhonda at the coffee shop it has become clear there are many more opportunities to revel in the inefficiency of conversations throughout the day.

It has also become clear great conversations are a symptom of meaningful relationships. Despite knowing this, I still default to managing those pesky unpredictable interactions with folks in the name of getting more done so I can be proud of myself when I watch Netflix at night alone.

Worth it?

I can tell you I have lots of time blocked on my calendar throughout a week to focus on deep work but there are no reserved moments for conversation or relationship.

What does this mean?

Well, I think it was Buddha who said:

Show me your Google calendar and I'll tell you who you are.

Which begs the question: while I’m forgoing interaction with real people in order to get all of these things done am I really being the person I want to be?

Look - I'm not a big get-breakfast-on-a-weekday-with-a-friend guy. I'm not a fan of stacking up a couple coffee dates a week with people just to catch up. It's just not my style.

But I also know myself better than I often behave, and I know a life bereft of human interaction is not a life worth living. I know I'm a better person and more capable of loving myself and others when I do the dance of unplanned and inefficient conversation throughout the day.

If you're my girlfriend who exudes kindness, has an unquenchable interest in others, wants to know everyone's story in the whole world, and thinks people are a treasure - this blog might not be for you.

If you're like me and ogle productivity books while fantasizing about uninterrupted blocks of time to work - or maybe you have a deep desire to perform well so you feel like you're realizing your potential and impressing others so you can go to bed believing you lived your life correctly...maybe slow down for a spell and look for opportunities to simply be with someone in conversation this week.

At the end of our days, I believe we will have done what Mary Oliver advised us to do - to not simply have visited this world - if we learn to take our focus off of a performance-based need for uninterrupted hours of productivity, and instead welcome seemingly meaningless conversations and inefficient interactions.

And if you need someone to practice with, come with me tomorrow morning to buy a cup of coffee from Rhonda.